


fear lets fall its weight

by teruhvighnen



Series: the drug, the dark, the light, the flame [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, David's POV, Kid Fic, M/M, Racism/Misogyny/Homophobia, Writer!Bucky Barnes, outsider pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-31 00:35:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19038760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teruhvighnen/pseuds/teruhvighnen
Summary: Faith and trust, that was the point of Polaris. This, David knows -faith and trust in the two people who have always loved and protected him.





	fear lets fall its weight

David is a good reader, but some words are difficult, so he has to ask his Tata what they mean. He has to ask his Tata anyway, because that’s who wrote the book he’s reading.

“Tata?”

“Yes, Davie?”

“What’s this word?”

David points to the word he’s having difficulties with until his Tata comes over and explains.

“Indefatigable,” his Tata says, and then again, in smaller parts so David can repeat after him. “In – de – fa – ti – ga – ble. It means when someone doesn’t get tired easily.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

* * *

David’s English teacher is making them work on a book report which they’re supposed to present on Parents’ Night before Christmas break. David’s supposed to choose a fictional book about stars; that’s what was written on the piece of paper he fished out of a blue bowl. So, he chooses his Tata’s book. It’s called _Polaris._ Technically, David’s not supposed to ask Tata for help on his actual book report, so he doesn’t. He only asks for help when he doesn’t understand a word. But David’s supposed to find and come up with the “plot, theme, and summary” without his Tata’s help.

So, he does.

* * *

David goes up to the front of the class. He prefers being first but since they’re going alphabetically, David is last. (Maybe next year in junior high, he’ll want to go with Barnes-Rogers instead of Rogers-Barnes.)

He has the book report in his hands, and he opens the page where he’s written his answers.

“I read a book titled _Polaris_. It is written by James Buchanan Barnes-Rogers, who is also my dad. But he didn’t help me write my report.” He looks up specifically and meets his teacher’s eyes. She smiles at him and prompts him to continue.

“The book is about stars. It is about the North Star which is also called Polaris. The North Star is said to guide people. It is the constant in the night sky that lets people know where north is, where they are standing, and where they should go.

“In the book, the main character, Carter, gets stranded on an island. He doesn’t know where to go or how to get out of the island. On the island, he meets another boy named Roman, but he only sees Roman during the day and never at night. Every night, Carter watches the sky. He is stranded there for a year and notices how the stars change. One day, he notices that there’s a really bright star in the sky that has never changed positions.

“Meanwhile, during the day, Carter and Roman build a raft. They gather the things they need and help each other. Roman teaches Carter how to find his way back home using the stars. Carter and Roman fall in love. When it’s time for Carter to go home, he gets on the raft and waits for Roman to hop on with him. But Roman does not go with him, he can’t. So, Carter goes by himself during the day and then during the night, he uses the stars to travel.

“Roman is the North Star. He comes down during the day to help Carter and goes back up to the sky to help Carter. I think this book is about faith and trust. Carter has to trust that Roman will get him home and Roman has to have faith that Carter will always know that he’s there for him.

“I like this book because my dad wrote it. But also, because it can remind us that there are people who will always help us even though they’re not right beside us. They can be looking out for us from far away and we have to have faith in them and in ourselves. Thank you.”

David bows quickly and then jogs back to his Tata and his dad as soon as his classmates start clapping. He hides his face in his Tata’s neck, embarrassed and tired from saying all those things even though he believes in them. It’s just really tiring, and he doesn’t like the attention that much.

His teacher is saying really nice things but David’s too embarrassed.

He turns back to her quickly to say thank you and then hides again.

* * *

After America’s sixth birthday, David and Elijah help Bucky move back in with them and their dad. The next year, when David starts kindergarten, Bucky helps him come to terms with going to school because his Tata is also going to school.

“What did you learn today?” Bucky asks every day. David tells him about letters, numbers, and colors.

“What did you learn today?” David asks back. Bucky tells him about numbers and the solar system.

Then David’s dad gives them both a ham and cheese sandwich while they study together. Steve hands them a plate each and a kiss each and a proud smile.

* * *

Bucky starts writing _Polaris_ when David is in third grade. It takes him a long time, because he has to do it in between all his schoolwork and his real work at a lab with his own teacher, Dr. Foster who is married to a Viking.

But David knows about _Polaris_ because it’s a secret between David, Elijah, and their Tata. It’s Bucky’s secret gift for Steve. David sits on this secret for two years until Bucky publishes it when David finishes fifth grade. David’s dad cries as he reads it, he cries again after. David puts off reading it, because he doesn’t want to cry. But his dad looks really happy every time he reads it too. So, when, at the start of sixth grade, David’s teacher assigns them a topic and a book report, he decides that _Polaris_ is going to be the book he reads.

* * *

David hasn’t really thought about how different his family is from other families, because it’s not that different. America has two dads. Teddy has two moms. Tommy doesn’t even have parents. So, it doesn’t occur to David that much that his family is out of the ordinary.

David is eleven, and the world really changes for him the summer before seventh grade.

David is eleven and Elijah is fifteen when they meet Alexander Pierce. Mr. Pierce is the director of the science camp David and Elijah are attending for the summer. David goes with the younger group and Elijah goes with the older group but it’s okay, ‘cause they see each other during meal times and Elijah always sits with David even though he has friends of his own and David is younger.

Mr. Pierce is also in charge of some of the classes. He never calls on David even though David’s the only one who knows the answers. He never lets David volunteer during demonstrations. He chooses Teddy and Tommy all the time. He calls America hysterical when she keeps trying to explain to him that she knows what she’s talking about. When America mutters in Spanish under her breath, Mr. Pierce insists that maybe her failure to understand scientific concepts is due to her not knowing English well. David holds onto his cousin’s hand when she clenches her fists. America is much like David’s dad, a fighter.

When David writes home about camp, about America, about his frustrations, about Mr. Pierce, he doesn’t expect anything else to happen. Their letters aren’t meant to be replied to; it’s just a fun way to update their parents on what’s happening. David doesn’t expect his parents to come to the camp two days after he’s sent the letter.

One of the camp counsellors pull him out of a class and brings him to Mr. Pierce’s office. His parents are there, and Elijah is also there. David doesn’t get to sit because his Tata holds out his hand for David and when David’s hand is secured in Bucky’s, Bucky is hastily getting them out of there, Steve and Elijah too. Bucky tells them to call America, to pack their bags, and meet them in the car. David doesn’t want to go home but, in his heart, he knows, this is much bigger than him, so he follows the people he’s always trusted. America goes home with them, too.

In the car drive back to the city, America’s the one who breaks the silence.

“Pierce is a _hijo de puta_.”

Steve swerves the car slightly. David holds onto his seatbelt.

“America…no cursing.”

“But Uncle Bucky, he is!”

David’s Tata looks back at them, to America with sad eyes, “I know. He is. Stevie, can you pull over?”

 David’s dad pulls over the side of the road and his Tata turns in earnest to look at the three of them. His face is grave and serious.

“Pierce is…my step-father. He’s not a nice man.”

Mr. Pierce is Tata’s step-father, which means he’s David and Elijah’s grandfather, basically.

“He’s racist and misogynistic.” America declares. Bucky can’t disagree.

“Yeah, he’s also homophobic. And that’s why I don’t talk to him.”

Homophobic, David knows this word. It’s people who don’t like gay people. Mr. Pierce doesn’t like David’s Tata because his Tata loves David’s dad, this, David can figure out.

“I’m so sorry. If I knew he was the director, I would have never let you go there and be subjected to that. I’m sorry, America, Davie, Eli. And I’m sorry we just pulled you out of there, but I couldn’t let you stay. I don’t know what he would have done to you. I can’t – I don’t ever want to know. You must be mad at us, for taking you out of there but I promise we’re doing it to protect you.”

 _It’s okay, we understand,_ David wants to say but he just watches his Tata fight against the urge to hit something.

“Tata. It’s okay. We get it.” Elijah says, and David and America nod their support.

David notices too when Bucky relaxes. David doesn’t know why there are people like Mr. Pierce who hate for the sake of hating. But he knows his dad and his Tata, that they love him and Elijah with all their heart, that he trusts them to guide and protect him and his brother because that’s what they’ve been doing since him and Elijah were young.

David meets Mr. Pierce and his life changes.

But not really. He isn't any less loved by his parents; he isn't any less part of his family, and that's the most important thing. 

Maybe knowing what Mr. Pierce is like, that there are people like him breaks David's heart a little. When his Tata breaks down crying, telling them how he's never seen his mom since the night he left, David knows that he needs to be strong for his Tata, so he can be there for him. If David couldn't see one of his parents ever again, he doesn't know how he'll survive that. David envelops his little arms around his Tata's neck and tells him he loves him, that Mr. Pierce was wrong for never accepting him. 

David thinks his Tata finds closure when they hear that Mr. Pierce is going to jail. David's not sure what for, but the relief that breaks across his Tata's face is enough to know that it doesn't matter, as long as Mr. Pierce can never hurt anyone else again. 

David and Elijah watch as their parents hug each other for a whole forever. And then they come for David and Elijah, trapping them in their embrace.

David's lucky, luckier than most. He knows this. He's grateful everyday.

* * *

To make up for pulling them out of camp, Bucky arranges for David and Elijah and America to see Dr. Foster’s lab. It’s so much cooler than anything David’s ever seen. Dr. Foster tells them what she’s studying, and she always lets David ask questions and answer them. She lets them do experiments and praises and compliments their knowledge. They come to the lab for the whole summer, whenever they want to and it’s never a dull moment.

* * *

The night before school starts, Steve is the one to tuck in David.

“Wait, dad. Can you read me a bedtime story?”

Steve nods his head and pulls _Polaris_ out of the bookshelf.

“Should I start at the beginning?”

David shakes his head, “No, the end, please.” Steve turns the pages until he’s at the last chapter. David looks over so that he can read where Steve is reading too.

_“Carter’s home was as he remembered. It was a golden city, a bright shining beacon. It was the opposite of the island, with its towering buildings and cacophony of people. Carter suddenly missed the island, missed the peace and quiet, missed the steady sea and the calming sky. Above all, he missed Roman.”_

“Skip to the very end, please.”

Steve turns the pages until there is only one left and reads.

_“Roman was there, in Carter’s home, on his bed, watching over him as he had been doing the whole time. Carter was fast asleep, but he knew that Roman was there. Roman whispered, “You and I. We are written, have been since the moment my soul found yours. I am with you, and you are with me every second –”_

David and Steve’s attentions fly to Bucky as he enters David’s room and in a soft voice, he completes the passage, _“I love you the night sky, the green earth, the blue ocean, the red sun, the bright stars –”_

Bucky kisses David’s forehead. David smiles contentedly and closes his eyes, _“the universe._ That’s my favorite part.”

Steve closes the book. “Mine too, buddy.”

* * *

 “Davie, what do you think? You think your dad’s gonna like it?” Bucky asks and hands a piece of paper to David. He’s supposed to read it out loud. So, he does.

_“For Stevie, my north star, who has never let me feel lost, who has always brought me back to who I am, who loves me despite of everything, and whom I love because of that. ‘Til the end of the line.”_

David likes it.

“It’s too corny,” Elijah teases. Their Tata flicks Eli’s ear.

“It’s romantic, punk.”

David smiles and raises his hand, “I liked it!” David can already see his dad crying over it. 

"You think dad'll like it?"

David nods. "Yeah. But what about me?"

His Tata scratches his beard. "What about you?"

"Can you add _For_ _David?_ "

Bucky smile is wide, kind of dangerous, and David wants to take back his words.

_"For David, whose golden heart rivals that of the brightest stars in the sky, who has always guided and welcomed me home."_

David can't help but smile. "I love it!"

Eli groans, "Tata, that's so cheesy!"

David's Tata gets that look in his eyes again. "David, shall we make one for Eli?"

David laughs the same time Elijah groans again. "Yes!" "Please, god, no!"

_"For Elijah –"_

 

 


End file.
